Learners Edge Course 859: Parent Trap: Achieving Success with Difficult Parents & Difficult Situations was recently completed by Kelly Ann Ydrovo, an elementary school math teacher, and she shared her top 10 strategies for dealing with difficult family members and difficult situations. See what she has to say about building relationships with students’ families in the tips she has provided below.
Keeping your cool is the first step.
Screaming at each other won’t help anyone. There can only be progress if there is open communication and mutual understanding. Teachers must maintain their decorum and focus on the common goal of helping the student when dealing with a difficult family member.
In order to assist their students, educators must find a way to communicate with even the most difficult members of the family. Take it in stride, and don’t take it personally. When a member of your family is upset, it’s common for them to lash out at the person closest to them, which is usually you.
Instil Confidence.
Touching base is a good way to build trust. Family members are more interested in hearing about the positive aspects of a classroom than hearing about the negative aspects of a classroom. You can show the family member that you care about their child’s success by writing a quick note or calling them.
A positive email or phone call from a family member praising the student for a job well done or a random act of kindness can go a long way in establishing trust. It demonstrates that the teacher is considering the positive aspects of a student’s behaviour as well as the negative. The time it takes to jot down these quick notes will pay dividends in the form of a more solid family bond throughout the year.
To Involve Others in the Neighborhood
Community outreach is an excellent way to build trust. This is a win-win situation for everyone involved. Students benefit from the opportunity to demonstrate their abilities and build self-esteem by helping others. As their young citizens show concern for the community, the community benefits. The school benefits because of the positive publicity and increased public support for the school’s needs. The school is willing to help the community, so it’s only fair that the community aids the school as well.
4) Display Your Concern
A teacher who truly cares about the students’ well-being will be welcomed by parents and guardians. Meeting with family members before the first day of school is often impossible because schedules are released only a few days in advance. In preparation for Back to School night, I always greet guests and provide a few finger foods.
I make an effort to include some of the good things my students are doing during the first few weeks of school when I’m going over important information. Throughout my presentations, I emphasise the importance of creating a safe learning environment for students.
No matter how insignificant their concerns may seem, I encourage my loved ones to get in touch with me. In order to foster a sense of belonging among my extended family, I’m open about things like the ages of my children and the extracurricular activities I enjoy. In addition, the fact that I have a child of the same age as my students and can empathise with their anxieties and pressures helps.
Establish Your Credibility and Reputation.
Maintaining your role as a class leader is an important responsibility. In a challenging situation, it is important to maintain eye contact with the other party. Showing interest in what the other person has to say by looking them in the eye goes a long way.
That you’re paying attention and interested in learning about the situation says a lot about your character. Your undivided attention shows that you value what they have to say, which in turn shows your respect for them. You appear more confident and self-confident if you look someone in the eye. (80) A difficult situation can be defused with this viewpoint. You can turn a one-sided conversation into a two-way one in which you and the student work together toward the same goal of improving the student’s performance.
When speaking, keep your voice low.
Many family members feel obligated to “go to bat” for their children in social situations. There are many instances in which parents and guardians feel that their child has been unfairly singled out by the teacher and want something done about it.
Assumptions are often made because they ask too few questions to get the full picture. Before the teacher has had a chance to provide additional information or explain the situation, the students have gone out to seek justice. Teachers can benefit from using a quieter tone of voice. When a family member is in a bad mood, they tend to speak at a high level and accusatory tone.
People often get nervous when they are on the receiving end of this type of conversation. When people are nervous, they tend to lose the ability to speak clearly. It’s possible for someone’s voice to become shaky and uninspiring. Using a lower volume will make the trembling voice less noticeable. As a bonus, the lower volume makes it easier for the other person to hear what is being said.
For the family member who is upset, instead of thinking about their own needs or concerns, they must devote more energy to listening to what the other person has to say, instead. As the upset family member becomes aware of their own speaking volume, the conversation will suffer as a result.
Embrace the fact that you, too, will make mistakes.
All of us have erroneous actions. Because teachers have so many responsibilities, they have many chances to make mistakes. It is best for the school (teacher or administrator) to be gracious and accept the information rather than be defensive when a family member brings an error to their attention.
Do not take someone’s correction as a personal attack. The school must be willing to investigate if a family member takes the time to raise the issue. The family member feels that the school cares enough to investigate the possibility of an error and do the right thing by acknowledging the possibility and looking into it. In order to properly assist the grieving family, an investigation must be completed promptly and the findings shared with them.
As soon as possible, the teacher should make amends and apologise for any mistakes they have made. A teacher’s infallibility is a myth. They’re human, and they’re going to make mistakes, but they’re going to own up to those mistakes and be better for it. This is the sort of thing that teachers hope their students will do, after all.
Demonstrate Compassion
“I’m so sorry that happened,” is a powerful phrase. Despite their short length, these six words pack a powerful punch. In the first place, it demonstrates that you’ve paid attention to what was said and are concerned for the well-being of everyone. Additionally, you are giving the other party an opportunity to build a relationship with you by admitting what happened.
The individual has expressed concern and a desire to address the problem in an effort to make it better. Some people just need someone to cry on. If a wrong has been done, this person may seek compensation. In either case, you’ve made the individual’s plight a top priority. You can defuse a tense situation with a family member by expressing your regret for what happened and allowing for a more relaxed exchange to take place. This is a great way to start a conversation and build stronger bonds with others.
Real-world examples should be used and shown to demonstrate the point.
Sally was hit by a paper ball from Jimmy’s hand. “I can’t believe it.” Unless it’s a more serious situation, I usually will overlook one transgression before notifying a family member. It’s when I contact the student’s family and they deny that the event ever happened that I remind them of an earlier incident in which the student was punished. Jimmy, for example, painted his sneakers with whiteout during a presentation.
Incidents like this are recorded in a log, and Jimmy’s name is not mentioned. Jimmy did it again the following day. This time, a member of the family was notified. She was flabbergasted that he would do this to her. I brought up the earlier incident and the fact that the conduct remained the same. Another incident with a different teacher the week before was also noted in his file. To help the family member understand that Jimmy might be capable of “less than angelic things,” we brought up these examples.
Create a Resource Center for Families
The idea of creating a space in the school specifically for parents and their children has been floated. This sounds like a fantastic idea, and putting it into practice at my school would be a true honour. If a family room is possible, it should be a warm and welcoming space. The walls should be painted a light colour, the chairs should be comfortable, and there should be Internet access.
Families should be able to find information organised by grade level and subject. Parents and guardians can get a sense of the curriculum’s breadth by perusing the school’s showcase of completed projects. So that family expertise can be shared, future projects can be listed. I have seen family members come in and discuss their work experience and demonstrate how the current subject of study applies to real life.
A “position” could be posted on a bulletin board if a teacher needs help from the parents with something specific. The more welcoming the school is to parents and caregivers, the more likely they are to work with the school to resolve any issues that may arise with their children.
